


you get me so high

by donghyuckies



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Light Angst, M/M, markhyuck, ok no actually it's a
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 19:23:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18901054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donghyuckies/pseuds/donghyuckies
Summary: "How long will you be torturing yourself this way, Mark Lee?" I asked, because talking to myself had already become a habit.My apartment was very quiet without Donghyuck.And it hurt.





	you get me so high

**Author's Note:**

> hi  
> \- plot inspired by the song "you get me so high" by the neighbourhood  
> \- the background of the story is by your choice lol
> 
> and english it's not my first language so sorry for the grammar!!!

I was taking a deep drag on my cigarette, feeling apathetic and my lungs were tired and barely had the strength to blow the smoke. My vision was blurry and I could no longer distinguish whether it was because of tears or simply the drug taking effect.

It didn't matter.

Nothing had meant it anyway, so I laughed weakly in the midst of my melancholy.

The night view from the balcony of my cheap little apartment that was almost falling apart like me was surprisingly beautiful, it reminded me of _him_ and then I sighed loudly for the twentieth time in the last two hours.

"How long will you be torturing yourself this way, Mark Lee?" I asked, because talking to myself had already become a habit.

My apartment was very quiet without Donghyuck.

And it hurt.

Because without him it was all so calm, but boring.

Even the beating of my heart took a slower pace without my Hyuckie around. But perhaps the fast pace at his side comes from being totally in love with him. 

My feelings... are ridiculous. Just not more ridiculous than realizing them only when I lost him.

I started laughing wildly, and in a few minutes the laughter turned into a sob. It hurt, I felt my chest tighten and it was as if everything inside me were compressing to fit in the void that I felt. But there was no room. I couldn't bear to feel anything else.

It took me a long time to understand my feelings and when they came it was with full force.

Accumulated, overflowing.

And every cell in my body screamed for him.

My skin missed his touch.

It was worse than any abstinence.

My eyes missed his glow.

My head was spinning and I no longer knew what I was doing.

Donghyuck.

Donghyuck.

Donghyuck.

Donghyuck.

That was all I could say.

All I could remember and all I could think.

I was consumed with sadness, but I knew it was the best ending we could have.

The truth is, we never got a proper chance, we grew up in a very fucked up place. Everything around us was wrong, there was nowhere to run, at least not at that time. We tried it the right way, but it didn't work and it would never work because at the time we didn't even understand what was really happening.

I thought the only thing that mattered was the two of us, but things were always far beyond what we could control.

While we spent hours fucking anywhere we could manage, the world outside was in chaos and our feelings just got more and more messy.

But we were inconsequential.

And young.

Two young boys with too much hormones to think logically.

Why would I care about any of the consequences if it meant I could hold Donghyuck more? 

I was so stupid I hardly knew I never had him.

But when he was kissing every corner of my body, whispering sweet words in his lush voice, letting me hold him when no one had ever held him before, when he was so surrendered and then leave me in the same way, how could I imagine otherwise?

I didn't know that either of us belonged to something.

I looked at my phone and noticed that it had been hours since I entered my daydreams over Donghyuck.

I took a deep breath and was ready for what should be my thousandth attempt.

I wrote a message without even knowing what I was typing. I was too high for it. Anyway, I'd rather have no sense of what was actually happening that was how it worked whenever I was alone.

And I felt miserable.

I was a coward.

I had my reasons, but the price to be paid was higher than I expected.

I never wanted to hurt him.

Donghyuck was my best friend.

And my only love.

The one that I will love forever.

And then I clicked on sending the message.

 

_"Hyuck if I left everything behind, would you come with me?"_

_"We could be the best, no matter if we're never rich or famous, can you tell me if it's okay to call you when I'm lonely?"_

 

 


End file.
